The death of Kings makes you think of things

This last week has been a lesson in appreciation, subtlety, and perspective. Let me explain.

It all started when I decided that for the first time, I would read the obituaries. Now, yes, that is not necessarily something that would make me laugh or be happy, but I thought it would be good for me to do it. I picked up a newspaper that was lying on the subway, and started to read through the obituary section. It was heart warming and heart breaking all at the same time. There were several things that really struck me: 1) two women had died of cancer that day who were around my mother's age. They are not that old, had just "finished" raising their children into young adults, and were taken from the new life that they were about to begin. Now, I don't want to go into questioning why. I don't know why, and to be honest, none of us will ever know why, I don't even know these people or their paths, so that is not the point. The point is, life is precious, life is short, and we need to remember that, I need to remember that every day of my beautiful life.

2) There was a little poem that was written in remembrance of a lady who had died several years before. It was short, and it was sweet, and within seconds I was weeping. It is the grief and the loss and the pain that cannot ever fully be gone. More than that, however, it is where that pain comes from, which is from love. That pain would not be anywhere near what it is, if there was not an equal or higher amount of love there. How beautiful is that? As cliche as it is, it IS better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I need to remember this, and allow myself to love as much and as many people as I can possible handle! I want that kind of beauty in my life.

Okay, moving on from the depressing topic of death... this obituary reading changed something in me. On the subway ride home that day, I did not put in my headphones and leave the little world I was in. I looked around and really SAW the people around me. At one point there was a little girl sitting on the seat near me, and we were going through castle frank station where the streetcar goes above the ground. the girl's mother told her to look out the window, and so she did, and her face was pure awe. She kept repeating "wow. wow." as we went over the bridge and looked at the trees and the water and the roads below. "look at that, momma, wow." I looked out the window too, and for the first time since the day that I had first rode that subway in Toronto, I was also in awe. It was a beautiful sight, it was enchanting, and the fact that we could be underground one moment and up on a bridge looking down in the next still blows my mind. It was magic.

That entire day I felt like I was seeing many things on my route for the first time. In fact, I was waiting at the Queen and University streetcar stop and I looked behind me to notice an unbelievable sculpture on the wall that I had NEVER seen before.

This week I was also reminded to appreciate another thing I have: a healthy, happy body. I spent a day working at a hospital, and I cannot talk about the work I did or where I did it, but let me just say this: Being in a hospital can put things into perspective. I, like many people, spend a lot of the time that I look at myself doing so in a judging manor, wishing that I had smaller thighs and a tighter tummy, and clearer skin. For a brief second, as I was being examined by a stranger, I saw them NOT judging me. I saw them looking at my body like it was just that, a human body. Nothing more. In fact, they saw it as a healthy, well-running, youthful human body. What else could I possibly ask for?? It was a wonderful feeling of appreciation, feeling thankful for what I have. I really hope that I can hang on to that feeling for a while. ;)

Love and kindness all.