This last few months I have been doing a lot of work on self study and self help, and a lot of it has needed private attention, so I haven't been broadcasting it, but I had a very interesting moment today that I thought I would share.
Last year I got new headshots done, and it had been about 6 or 7 years since the last time I had done them. I went in with this new fancy photographer, and my 18 zillion outfit choices. I had my hair done all purdy, my make up was applied with precision, and then we did the shoot!
After the shoot was done, the photographer called me over to start looking at the shots. He would point to many of them and say "Gorgeous. Isn't that amazing?" I found myself saying "Ya, wow!" with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, but really I was disappointed with most of them. I had wanted them to look beautiful, glamorous, super model-esque, really I wanted them to look like somebody else, not me.
When we came to one particular shot that he said was one of his choices I finally said "I don't know. I just don't like my face in this one. It just doesn't look great." He looked at me and said very seriously "But that's what your face looks like." In the moment it didn't really cause me pause, but a few days later I realized that he was absolutely right. That was my face. That was what my face looked like, but I had spent most of my life trying to have people see my face differently, in affect, change my face to what I wanted it to be. Of course that is impossible, but it was interesting how much energy I realized I had been expelling trying to do this.
I had a friend a few months ago tell me how much they hated their body. It makes me so sad to hear that from other people that I look at and think are beautiful and lovely in who they are. I told them to try looking in the mirror and admiring themselves part by part, as if they were someone else. No negativity allowed.
I have ventured to do so a few times, but I realized this morning that I have never ACTUALLY done that myself. So I did it. No make-up on, stripped down to nothing, I looked at every part of my body like it was someone else's, like I was admiring their beauty, and you know what? As cheesy as it sounds, it worked. I saw beauty. Beauty that I haven't seen in myself in a long time (sadly, if ever.)
This was a major step for me today, and one that I encourage anyone reading this to do for themselves. We practice focusing on what we need to change in ourselves on a daily basis. That is a great thing when it comes to some aspects, but I have decided that it is about damn time to decide that I don't need to change one thing about my physical body. Change will happen, but I will accept myself, and find the beauty, no matter what.
Love and kindness all.
Glad to see you have a new perspective! Hope it sticks :-) its good to see and hear others who are in the same boat. I think the majority of people focus on things they don't like and want to change, when we would be much happier and healthier if we could just love and appreciate ourselves and try to focus on why we are here on this earth. I found the book: The Cure For the Common Life helped me focus on my strengths and unique qualities. But its something that I need to refer back to often. You should read it :-) love & miss you cuz!
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