As I sat down to write this blog today, all that was coming to mind was food, and I realize that the last blog I wrote was all about food too... you can see where my mind is these days.
In fact if anyone read my last blog you will understand when I woke up today and my first thought was "It's cheese day! I get to eat cheese today" and was a little bit too excited.
Why food? Well, it is pleasurable, frankly. Delicious in fact. And eating is an activity that I can use to practice being in the moment, and enjoying life to the fullest. Of course this is not always the case, and like many people I find myself trying to create false comfort with food sometimes, and to re-create moments of pleasure in order to cover up pain.
Today I tried the most amazing mint ice cream. It is a non-dairy, coconut milk-based ice cream, and it is good. Too good. I went grocery shopping hungry again today, even though I know better, and bought it on a whim. I almost forgot about it until I was finishing up my tuna and cheese rice cracker make-shift lunch and I suddenly remembered the hidden jem in the freezer!
I pulled out a bowl and spoon and smoothly skimmed a small scoop of ice cream from the solid mass. As I sat down and settled in with the first silky spoonful, I was at peace. It was delicious, cold, fresh and wonderful, with just a hint of chocolate to ground the milky, minty mass. I slowly finished the last few bites and then got ready for work.
When I returned home after a tiring shift on my feet, I felt only the urge of re-living that relaxation. I got out a big scoop of ice cream from the freezer and gobbled it up while also sharing my attention with the musical episode of Grey's anatomy from season 7 (A pretty terrible episode of a pretty terrible show but Sara Ramirez has the voice of a damn angel so I couldn't stop watching.)
Anyway, it wasn't until I was practically... almost literally... licking the bowl that I realized it was gone. And then I wanted more. But I said no. For the first time that I can remember consciously doing so, I sat in that moment and did what many wonderful helpers and mentors in my life have instructed me to do: I simply took a breath.
It really is amazing what a simple breath can do, even though it is the simplest and almost stupidest advice given that we all obviously will breathe. The thing is, it worked. It calmed me down and made me realize that this moment I wasn't feeling relaxed, I wasn't feeling the same ease as earlier, and I may have even been feeling some exhaustion and pain, but that was okay. It was all okay to feel, and I was okay even though I was feeling it.
I would like to start giving myself more pats on the back for the little things that I accomplish on my journey, and this is one. I hope some of you can find comfort in simply breathing too.
Love and kindness all.
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