I basically shushed a cell phone last night.
I was sitting and enjoying a fascinating production of a play (No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre) when a young woman sitting next me decided to pull out her phone. It was about 2/3 of the way through the show, and extremely climactic, and she decided that this was the exact moment that she needed to text someone. She proceeded to text for a few minutes, and then, to my complete horror, started to show her friend her texts, and whisper about the messages that she was receiving, and giggle together.
I don't generally have the patience to deal with people talking during a Theatre production. I find it unbelievably distracting, and I know how much it can affect the actors on stage, but I usually don't aggressively say anything. Instead I try an extremely passive aggressive reaction and continue to glance at the culprits intermittently, hoping that they will notice I am distracted by them and shut up. Sometimes this works, but in this case, it did not. And for the first time, I decided that I needed to take more serious action.
After my 6th or 7th glancing attempt, the young woman beside me went back to texting, and I couldn't help myself. I reached over and silently gestured at her phone to stop, while I disappointedly shook my head, and mouthed "no." I then mouthed "thank you" and very quickly turned back to the show.
I will never forget the look on the young woman's face: it was complete shock, and almost confusion, mixed with a little bit of disdain, but it was as if she wasn't sure if she was allowed to be mad at me for what I had done. Her next reaction was quite interesting. She paused, then continued to finish her text (a small act of rebellion) and then proceeded to put her phone away for the remainder of the production! Hurray!! Success!!
Now this brings me to two very important issues: Phone etiquette and Theatre etiquette.
Perhaps I should give my young friend the benefit of the doubt, and assume that she has never been to the Theatre before. I have heard actors tell so many horror stories about ridiculous reactions in the audience, I have a few myself, and I know it is not only young people who are the culprits. I have to say that I am now on the side of those ridiculous announcements the larger theatres play before a show. When the regional Theatres play the tapes that say "don't unwrap candies, please be quiet and turn off your cellphone" they are preventing (hopefully) these kind of distractions by informing the novices that these practices are prohibited. The reality is: we need to continue to educate people on how to view Theatre, as they cannot learn what is appropriate unless someone tells them. I had the benefit of growing up with Theatre, and learning at a young age how to act, but some people are not so fortunate. I would like to think common sense would come into play, but some people may not realize the affects they are having on others.
As for cellphone etiquette, based on the temptation for people to text and check messages constantly, I think there should be a cell-phone etiquette class built into the school system, or at least it should become part of a parental teaching regime, because it has become ridiculous! I am as guilty as many to the temptation of constant phone-checking, however, I would like to think that I know when it is appropriate and when it is not.
I feel a rant coming on, so excuse me while I get this off of my chest.
It is NOT appropriate to check your phone in the following places: The Theatre, during a film (it's dark, and your phone glows- just don't), during a date (unless you are waiting for an emergency response, in which case just TELL the other person why) during any conversation with another human being really (unless again, you are waiting for something important, or you are done the conversation and you excuse yourself- just as you would at a cocktail party if you move to converse with someone else, it's the same concept!), during sex (this is NEVER okay), while driving (I HATE cars, and I HATE distracted drivers more than anything in the world. Just don't do it), while crossing the street (be safe people, I've seen this so many times), and last but not least, while you are watching a baby. (This may sound weird and extreme, but studies are starting to show that babies are having a more difficult time distinguishing facial expressions of emotion now that there is the "numb" face that their caregivers get when distracted by a cell phone or computer. I don't want a whole generation of people who cannot distinguish emotions and body language, how about you?)
Alright, I am done my rant. I hope that my young friend recognizes that her behaviour was not appropriate and learns from it, and I hope that we can all use a little common sense with the technology that has taken over our lives. As long as we do that, I think we can continue to hold on to social etiquette and interaction, along with technology. Technology is awesome and helpful, I don't want to put it down. Let's just work it into our social rulebook a little bit more.
Love and kindness all.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Perfection: A game and a curse
I think perfectionism is a difficult concept to grasp, for many reasons. The main one being that in many areas of our lives, it is encouraged and praised (such as work, school, etc.) however it makes life much more difficult in many other areas.
Last week I had a pimple. It sounds like such a ridiculous sentence when it is written out like that, but at the time, it was devastating. I work, like many people, in very front-of-house environments, dealing directly with the public, and also as an actor, I tend to have auditions. In all of these cases, I am seen by a lot of people, and my face is front and center, and last week, in the center of that face was a giant zit.
Now, there are so many stories about teenagers who don't want to leave their houses when they have a pimple, and we all feel for them. It becomes a little bit more ridiculous as an adult to admit these things, but dammit, that is exactly how I felt! I know there are so many people in the world who have to deal with deformities and all kinds of horrible things, but this was not my logic brain reacting here, and I was freaking out. I was miserable. I realize now, looking back, that I even stayed inside the house more than I normally do, making excuses to not go out, mostly because I didn't want people to see my imperfections.
So now is the story of how out of control I became. I am working two jobs at the moment, and last week I had to commute between both of them most days. On one particular day when my pimple was very prominent, I just couldn't do it anymore, so during the hour that I had between my shifts I concocted a plan. I realized that based on where my pimple was located on my face, I could probably cover it up with a decently large-framed pair of glasses. Brilliant. The only problem here being, I don't actually wear glasses. So, I decided to head to a mall near-by and search out a pair. I began in a shoppers drug mart, looking through the sun glasses to see if there was a pair with clear lenses (as I remembered there being at one point through the fashion cycle of sunglasses. Unfortunately this trend seemed to be over. I did spot, however, the rack of reading glasses, and began perusing. As I tried on the lowest prescriptions, for a brief second I pondered if I could deal with the blurriness for a whole shift (which in retrospect is ridiculous) and I, thankfully, decided that I could not, and moved on to the next store. I looked through a dollar store, 2 clothing stores, a Winners, and another drug store, before I came to an accessory store with 2 pairs of clear sunglasses. I tried them on, very hopeful, and they were both huge, very oddly coloured, and completely uneblievable. Despite this fact, I bought one. I was feeling so desperate, I thought maybe it would work anyway...and it did cover up my pimple.
Before I left the mall, my last stop (as I was running out of time, and would now not have time to eat before going to job number two) was the glasses store in the mall. I outright lied to the sales lady and told her that I was doing a play and needed a pair of fake glasses for the performance. To which she asked, "Well why don't you just pop out the lenses of a pair of sunglasses?" Which would have been a brilliant solution if I was indeed needing them for a play. Instead I told her they needed to have lenses because the director was insistent, and she proceeded to tell me that the cheapest frames would still be $75. The sad part is I considered it for about 30 seconds before I thanked her and left the mall to catch the bus. On the bus ride, I put on the sunglasses and looked in the mirror.
I looked ridiculous. There was no way anyone would believe they were real glasses. I took them off and admired the pimple on my face. Yes it was noticeable, and yes a lot of people would see it. Was that really such a big deal? Really? I took a deep breath and put the glasses away in my purse, and then added just a little more blush to my cheeks. (To take focus away, of course.) And off I went to work.
While working my shift, I noticed an amazing trend. At least three women who I interacted with had acne on their faces. I realized that I did not like them any less as people, I did not find them less pretty, and I did not judge them. In fact, I was so happy to see that I was not alone in my imperfection.
The next day I did something I have never done before: I did not cover up my pimple before I went to work. I left it free for the world to see, and you know what? I maybe thought about it twice before going to work, and not once during. It didn't matter anymore. So that's what it all comes down to. Why was it such a big deal to me? Because that is not the way I wanted people to see me. I want to look "my best."The reality is, I can't control how people see me in any capacity. It was on my face, and there was no way I could magically make it disappear, so I might as well accept it.
This is true for so much of life. There are so many things I fight so hard against, wanting to control, but in reality, I have no control over them, and I am making my life more stressful by fighting. I mean, I went without lunch, and was almost willing to pay 75$ that I don't have, and to be almost blind for an entire shift just to cover up a pimple! If I can just, in fact, accept that some things will be the way they will be, and there is nothing I can do about it, I predict a much less stressful life.
Love and kindness all.
Last week I had a pimple. It sounds like such a ridiculous sentence when it is written out like that, but at the time, it was devastating. I work, like many people, in very front-of-house environments, dealing directly with the public, and also as an actor, I tend to have auditions. In all of these cases, I am seen by a lot of people, and my face is front and center, and last week, in the center of that face was a giant zit.
Now, there are so many stories about teenagers who don't want to leave their houses when they have a pimple, and we all feel for them. It becomes a little bit more ridiculous as an adult to admit these things, but dammit, that is exactly how I felt! I know there are so many people in the world who have to deal with deformities and all kinds of horrible things, but this was not my logic brain reacting here, and I was freaking out. I was miserable. I realize now, looking back, that I even stayed inside the house more than I normally do, making excuses to not go out, mostly because I didn't want people to see my imperfections.
So now is the story of how out of control I became. I am working two jobs at the moment, and last week I had to commute between both of them most days. On one particular day when my pimple was very prominent, I just couldn't do it anymore, so during the hour that I had between my shifts I concocted a plan. I realized that based on where my pimple was located on my face, I could probably cover it up with a decently large-framed pair of glasses. Brilliant. The only problem here being, I don't actually wear glasses. So, I decided to head to a mall near-by and search out a pair. I began in a shoppers drug mart, looking through the sun glasses to see if there was a pair with clear lenses (as I remembered there being at one point through the fashion cycle of sunglasses. Unfortunately this trend seemed to be over. I did spot, however, the rack of reading glasses, and began perusing. As I tried on the lowest prescriptions, for a brief second I pondered if I could deal with the blurriness for a whole shift (which in retrospect is ridiculous) and I, thankfully, decided that I could not, and moved on to the next store. I looked through a dollar store, 2 clothing stores, a Winners, and another drug store, before I came to an accessory store with 2 pairs of clear sunglasses. I tried them on, very hopeful, and they were both huge, very oddly coloured, and completely uneblievable. Despite this fact, I bought one. I was feeling so desperate, I thought maybe it would work anyway...and it did cover up my pimple.
Before I left the mall, my last stop (as I was running out of time, and would now not have time to eat before going to job number two) was the glasses store in the mall. I outright lied to the sales lady and told her that I was doing a play and needed a pair of fake glasses for the performance. To which she asked, "Well why don't you just pop out the lenses of a pair of sunglasses?" Which would have been a brilliant solution if I was indeed needing them for a play. Instead I told her they needed to have lenses because the director was insistent, and she proceeded to tell me that the cheapest frames would still be $75. The sad part is I considered it for about 30 seconds before I thanked her and left the mall to catch the bus. On the bus ride, I put on the sunglasses and looked in the mirror.
I looked ridiculous. There was no way anyone would believe they were real glasses. I took them off and admired the pimple on my face. Yes it was noticeable, and yes a lot of people would see it. Was that really such a big deal? Really? I took a deep breath and put the glasses away in my purse, and then added just a little more blush to my cheeks. (To take focus away, of course.) And off I went to work.
While working my shift, I noticed an amazing trend. At least three women who I interacted with had acne on their faces. I realized that I did not like them any less as people, I did not find them less pretty, and I did not judge them. In fact, I was so happy to see that I was not alone in my imperfection.
The next day I did something I have never done before: I did not cover up my pimple before I went to work. I left it free for the world to see, and you know what? I maybe thought about it twice before going to work, and not once during. It didn't matter anymore. So that's what it all comes down to. Why was it such a big deal to me? Because that is not the way I wanted people to see me. I want to look "my best."The reality is, I can't control how people see me in any capacity. It was on my face, and there was no way I could magically make it disappear, so I might as well accept it.
This is true for so much of life. There are so many things I fight so hard against, wanting to control, but in reality, I have no control over them, and I am making my life more stressful by fighting. I mean, I went without lunch, and was almost willing to pay 75$ that I don't have, and to be almost blind for an entire shift just to cover up a pimple! If I can just, in fact, accept that some things will be the way they will be, and there is nothing I can do about it, I predict a much less stressful life.
Love and kindness all.
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