My beautiful Theatre company ladies and I came up with the idea to do a burlesque show for our second fundraising venture. It was a super exciting and intriguing idea that interests people from MANY walks of life, which is a great solution to finding people to come from outside of the Theatre community. Wooowhooo!
I have decided to keep a mini-series within my blog about the whole burlesque-prepping and burlesque-performing experience. I have a feeling it could get a little bumpy!
Speaking of bumps...I had a huge realization moment earlier this week that the fundraiser is now just over a month away, and I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO BE TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!! This of course brought on a whole wave of anxiety. Not to say that I didn't logically know this information before, but it is slowly becoming more and more of a reality. Granted, this was my choice, and no one is pushing me to perform, so it is voluntary anxiety, if you will.
This wave of anxiety is that I am not completely thrilled with what my body looks like at this point in time. Not to say that I am ever really truly satisfied, but I haven't been getting to the gym at all lately, and my eating habits have been on the mediocre side. So, I of course started some crazy plans to eat nothing but apples and lemon water and go to the gym every day until the dreaded 9th day of June.
After the wave of anxiety subsided, and I was thinking ever-so-slightly with clarity, I started to think about more of the reasons for why we decided to do this fundraiser in the first place: women, body image, sexuality, sexual desire, woman as objects of sexual desire, women being in control of their sexuality and how they are seen as a sexual being, and the plethora of other subjects that are being explored through this genre. To me, it comes down to a celebration of the female body, in all of its' glory, and embracing our own female sexuality. I love this idea!
Of course, that means acceptance of our bodies with all of their "flaws" (as I for one seem to always be looking for.) Really though, accepting that perfection does not equal sexy. (In my skewed judgement meaning Skinny with no flab is not the only "sexy" or a better "sexy") I can be a sexual being, I can appear sexy with a little bit of extra tummy, and jiggly thighs. I can embrace my sexuality without feeling I am inferior. So, THIS IS THE GOAL!
With that in mind, I have started to try to put together costume ideas, as I need an idea of what I am wearing before I can cement my routine down. And I am fairly certain I would like to explore the fun of garter belts... along with other goodies, but I've decided to make the garter belt the centre of my ensemble. Thus begins the garter belt search.
This led me to my first experience in an upscale lingerie store. I had some time to kill before a meeting downtown, so I popped into a teeny tiny little fancy-looking boutique with a rainbow of lace panties on display on manikins outside. Right away I was greeted by a slightly skeptical grin on the mouth of an older lady who crept our from behind the counter, and in an indistinguishable European accent asked "Is there something you want to look at?" I was suddenly transported to being 13 again and watching a snickering teenage boy ring through the tampons that I was hiding between 2 boxes of kleenex on the grocery belt at shoppers drug mart. After that embarrassment surpassed, I reminded myself that I am a thirty year old woman, despite my appearance, and I can shop for lingerie if I want to. Damn it. So I caught my breath and with my most drawn-up confidence, and with a stiff attempt at casualness, asked "Yes, what do you have for garter belts, please?"
She did not seem surprised, as I was watching her face for any sign of it, but instead, she sighed and said "I only have a couple of kinds, here. This one is very precious lace, imported." It was gorgeous. I didn't think I would have that reaction to a garter belt, but it was a mix of cream and light blue with dainty pink lace. I imagined a fairytale princess would have wore something similar if Disney wasn't G-rated. The other styles were too small, so I focused on this one, until I flipped over the price tag in my hand and saw that it was "on sale" for 125$!!! Ya, there's no way that was going to happen.
I pretended to be thinking about it, and put it down on the counter. I didn't want her to know that I was thrown by the price. Some weird pride in me wanted the strange lady to think that the price didn't phase me one bit, so I greased up my acting chops and pulled out my cell phone to check the time and fained (not too poorly if you ask me) that I was suddenly late for something important. "Oh, I have to go, would you be able to hold this for me until tomorrow?" I rushed with the words, to back up my hurried lie. "Yes, yes, no problem." She put the precious piece on the counter, and I silently wished it goodbye as she wrote down my name, and I thanked her and left.
I will be searching for something slightly on the lower-end, but all in all a good first step, I would say, to embracing this sexuality of mine!
Love and kindness all.
Thanks for sharing your experience Hil! You're hilarious and so honest. It's a delight to read your blogs. It still hasn't hit me yet that I will be twirling my ta ta's in front of a crowd. I kind of wish it would hit me. so I don't want it to hit me the night before the show!
ReplyDeleteI love what you said about why we are doing a burlesque. It IS a celebration of women and our bodies. And I also think that it is an art form that takes just as much discipline, practice and detail work as any other short act we've had to prepare for. So I'm proud of this adventure we're taking on, and excited for the growth that is bound to happen amidst the challenges and fun!